Doobie's blog

Book available on Amazon

2010-09-10T22:13:00.001-06:00

My book is now available on Amazon.
See it here

Complete first chapter

2010-04-07T15:18:00.001-06:00

For those who are interested, you can see the complete first chapter of my book here:
http://nslimited.com/sjpwriting/chapter1.doc

Revised short story

2009-06-27T19:38:00.002-06:00

Thanks to those of you who sounded off on my short story. I'd particularly like to thank my aunt, who took the time to organize many thoughts and suggestions and put them on paper for me.
Using the various suggestions and pointers that I received, I have revised the short story and post it again here for your consideration:

Someone to Stay Strong

I placed the phone back on the receiver, still in a daze from the information I had just learned. How could this have happened? How could they really be gone? The first part of the conversation repeated itself in my mind:

“Sam?”

“Yeah?” I had replied. “What’s going on?”

“I’m afraid that Jennifer and Johnny have been in an accident.”

“Are they alright?” I had asked, panic leaking into my voice knowing one of them would have likely called me themselves if they were.

“No. Jennifer was pronounced dead at the scene. Johnny was transported to the hospital in critical condition, but died shortly after arriving. I’m so sorry.”

The rest of the conversation was a blur. It had to be. I was in shock and disbelief from what I had just heard. Dead? Both of them? I could never see either of them again? Why had my two best friends been taken away from me?

I walked down the hall as these questions raced through my mind, assaulting my emotions mercilessly and feeling as if they might rip my very soul from my body. I entered my bedroom, feeling like I was in a dream and looked around at the neatly organized room. Everything in its place, just as it always was. I kept my room the way I liked my life, organized, calm. No surprises unless I was the one orchestrating them. But this… I did not see it coming. I picked up my keys from where I kept them on top of my dresser, next to the small display of Burger King toys of characters from the movie Toy Story and walked back the way I had come.

I drove to down the street on auto-pilot, hardly aware of where I was heading, trusting my instincts and habits to take me to the place I often went to reflect on things. The dark streets were empty of movement, save for the occasional pair of headlights, providing a glimpse of the damp surroundings as I drove through the light rain that had started to fall about the time I received that fateful phone call. There was no moon. Or, at least no moon was visible. No stars either for that matter. Clouds filling the entire sky, or so I assumed, not being able to actually see them. The blackness weighed down on me like the ominous message that kept playing itself out in my mind as I navigated the familiar path without thought or effort.

As I neared my destination, I parked my car a block away from the overpass, out of habit more than anything else, turned off the motor and felt the light rain hit my face and arms as I climbed out. The familiar overpass was barely visible through the light rain, no street lamps illuminating it or the surrounding area. Perhaps that is why we came here so often. Out of the way, always wrapped in shadows or the black of night and free from even occasional traffic. No one came here. No one but us. Everyone else raced along the interstate underneath. Blissfully unaware that this place even existed. Memory lane. That’s what we liked to call it. None of us knew its true name. That never mattered. All that mattered was that we could come here to be kids. To engage in activities that we all knew would get us into trouble, if we were ever caught, but which we did anyway for the thrill and excitement. Those times were all about us and the rest of the world didn’t matter. But tonight it was just me. There would be no more “us”. Not anymore.

Walking toward the overpass, I thought of how this terrible thing could have happened. I was angry. Angry at Johnny for driving so carelessly. He always drove that way, but most of the time it simply added to our fun and excitement. These kinds of things weren’t supposed to happen to kids that just wanted to have fun. We didn’t drink or do drugs and would certainly never operate a vehicle had we decided to experiment with those things. Yes, we were often careless, but there were certain things you just didn’t do. Even we knew that. Speeding in certain parts of the city was one of those things. So why had Johnny done it? Might have done it, I corrected myself. I didn’t know if he was speeding at the time of the accident, but I was still angry. Angry at Johnny for being the one driving. Angry at Jennifer for not insisting her brother drive carefully. Angry at both of them for leaving me. Angry at whoever had been driving that van that had run the right light. That was who should hold the majority of the blame. That was who had been driving under the influence and had taken my friends from me. But that person did not currently have a name or a face. Jen and John had both.

I stood on the overpass, looking out across the horizon, or where the horizon would be if anything were visible. Dark shapes of cars and trucks passed beneath me. The light from their head lamps mostly consumed by the rain as they drove along, barely able to illuminate more than just a few feet. No one could see me standing there. No one would see anything if I were to throw myself over the side. Perhaps in front of a south-bound semi. Those had always been the most fun, having to travel more than four miles from that point to reach our location, if they knew how to reach it at all. I thought on that option, a quick way to end this pain that was consuming me and perhaps allow me to be with my friends once more. I approached the edge and looked down, unable to see the road I knew was beneath me through the dark and the rain. It was getting colder now, but I hardly noticed. That slight discomfort was greatly overpowered by the anguish I felt internally. I put my hands on the cement barrier that acting as a railing for the overpass, feeling the rough, wet surface against my palms. It would be so easy. Just hoist myself up and swing my legs over the side as I had done so many times with fences in the past. Just wait for the right time and it would all be over in mere seconds.

I removed my hands and took one step backward. Coward. Don’t you want to see your friends again? Rage flooded through me anew. Angry with Johnny. Angry with Jennifer. Angry with the nameless killer who had taken them from me. Angry with myself for being a coward. I punched the cement barricade in frustration, feeling the immovable object jar my fist, arm and entire body with the impact. Fist still clenched, I raised it towards my face, looking down toward the fresh cuts that must surely be there, but which I could not see. It had stopped raining now, but I could feel moisture running down my arm, collecting at my elbow and dripping onto the asphalt at my feet. Perhaps the faint splashes I could hear through the silence of the night were from my blood dripping into a puddle. Perhaps it was just rain and my hand had not been cut. It did not matter. Nothing did. My friends were gone and they were never coming back.

I approached the edge once more, resolved strengthened with the thought of never being able to see my friends again. This was the only.

“I love you.” Jennifer’s voice called out from inside my head. “You’re always so strong.” Those familiars words that she had uttered to me many times played back as clearly as if she were speaking them to me now. She was right of course, she always was. The family members of my departed friends wore their feelings on their sleeves and this news was devastating them, even more so than it was me. I had to be strong.

The next morning I awoke from a troubled sleep. Had it been a dream? Perhaps at any time the phone would ring and Johnny or Jennifer would be on the other end, asking that familiar question. “What do you want to do tonight?” It was never a question of if or with whom. Only what. We did something every night. But no call came.

The funeral was a few days later and by then I had managed to push my rage and pain aside, attempting to replace it with strength, but feeling mostly numb. Perhaps I was still in denial. Or perhaps I just didn’t know how to handle the gravity of the situation. What kid did? Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to kids. At least not kids you knew. This was the kind of thing you heard about on the news, in a place far away that you’d never even heard of before. They didn’t happen to you.

Everyone was in their best dress, myself included, as I arrived at the church. It was a beautiful spring day. The rain from days before had now been dried by the brightly shining sun and the sounds of falling rain had been replaced with the faint chirping of birds off in the distance somewhere. Flowers were in bloom and everything was green. It was my favorite time of year and I particularly enjoyed days like this. So did Jennifer. We had enjoyed many things together since we started dating. That seemed like so long ago, but in truth it had been little over a year. I recalled how we would have picnics in the park, or on the hill that overlooked the high school. Everything green and in bloom as we would sit on the grass to eat our lunch or walk hand in hand and gaze at the wonders of mother nature that could only be experienced during those spring months.

Music was playing as I entered the church and greeted family members of my friends. Several bouquets and wreaths were on display by the pulpit and around the two coffins in front of the first row of pews. The lids were closed, the viewing had been the night before, allowing me one last chance to see my friends. I couldn’t remember who I had spoken to that night or if I had even spoken to anyone. I didn’t seem to remember much these days. Perhaps it was from a lack of sleep. Perhaps it was because in my mind they were still here and the three of us were thinking on what we wanted to do that night. Perhaps it was because I could not seem to find a way to escape from this waking dream.

When it was my turn to speak, I walked to the pulpit and looked out at everyone sitting in the pews. Most I knew, some I did not. Some I had only seen in pictures before. But all looked up at me. Many eyes were red and puffy and many handkerchiefs were held close or being used to dab moist eyes. I wanted to cry. It hurt so much and crying seemed like the only appropriate action. However, Jennifer’s words echoed in my mind, “You are always so strong” and I knew that wasn’t what the family needed. They needed to hear kind words about their departed loved ones. They needed their faith bolstered that they might be able to see them again one day. They needed someone to stay strong. I glanced down at the notes I had scribbled on some cards and began my talk.

“Friends and family of Jennifer and Johnny, I’d like to thank you all for being here today. I’m sure that both of them would be pleased by the wonderful sight in front of me. What can I say about these two dear friends, who have touched our lives so profoundly? If Johnny were here, I’m sure he’d find something to joke about. He always did. His light heartedness was as much a part of his personality as his blue eyes were of his face. How many of us were cheered up by one of his jokes or his infectious smile and laugh when we were having a bad day? Could anyone cheer you up as easily as he could?”

There were nods and smiles in the audience and I could tell all in attendance agreed with the sentiment. I continued on, shifting my focus to Jennifer.

“And Jennifer, always so selfless, considering the needs of others ahead of her own. When her little brother had the brain tumor that gave him such terrible headaches, she cared for him with that motherly quality if hers. Attending to his every need, making him soup, bringing him juice and just holding him when the pain made him want to cry.”

I looked down at Jen and John’s younger brother, who was sitting a few rows back. He had tears in his eyes, but smiled up at me as I continued.

“They were both very special and each had their own unique way of blessing the lives of those they came in contact with. In their short lives, they gained many friends and the admiration and respect of countless others.”

I continued on, recounting a few specific stories about each of them, highlighting their finer traits. It wasn’t hard to do, simply stating the truth and recounting memories was praise at the highest of levels.

“In conclusion, may I just say that I love them both very much. My life was blessed countless times by their tremendous spirits and their uplifting influences. They will be missed by family and friends alike and this world will not be the same without them.”

Many in the congregation cried, either from grief, gratitude or fond thoughts of the departed, or perhaps some mix of the three. I somehow managed to make it through my words without shedding a tear. I had found a way to stay strong.

Everyone drove to the cemetery after that; words were spoken, prayers were uttered and the coffins were lowered into the ground. Some left right after that, others stayed and talked for a time, but eventually everyone was gone and I found myself alone, standing in front of the two open graves.
To my left, the tombstone read:

Jennifer Miller
1978 – 1995
Always thought of others

And the one to my right read:

Johnny Miller
1976 – 1995
A friend to all

I read both of them a few times, agreeing that the information displayed could not be more accurate. The numbness that had so fully enveloped me earlier was starting to fade and I could feel the pain and anguish returning. The strength I had fought so hard to show earlier quickly leaving me. I looked around again, ensuring that I was alone and allowed the strength to be drained from me and the pain and anguish to fill the void that it had left.

I dropped to my knees, unable to carry the burden that was being placed on my soul. I cupped my hands around my face and closed my eyes. Then, I cried.

The most important writing

2009-06-11T20:17:00.002-06:00

I am determined to put in the effort required to find out if I can be published one day. Hopefully that journey will not consists solely of agents and/or publishers slamming the door in my face, but I have decided to embark on this journey either way.

To that end, I have learned that an introduction paragraph (like the back cover of a book) is critical to grabbing agent, editor or publisher attention and have started to work on my "book hook". I likely won't actually submit a query letter to an agent until my book is done (or at least the first draft is done), but please give me your feedback on this introduction paragraph. Does it grab your attention and make you interested in the book?

In the small town of Huntsville Montana, a group of friends are learning about life, love and coming of age. Summer vacation was a time for fast cars, mischief, staying up late and going to parties. But when one of them crosses the wrong man, they find their lives turned upside down. Unable to turn to the police or their parents, they must rely on each other to prevent the death of their friend and the end of their childhoods.

Once again, thank you for your help and support.

Revised Prologue

2009-06-09T07:37:00.002-06:00

I've made some changes to the prologue, not major surgery but hopefully changes that make it slow a bit more smoothly. Anyway, here's the update:

Prologue

It was just after 11PM and the night air was thick and muggy from the long hot day that had preceded it. Excitement surrounded the group of teens in an electric buzz that tickled their senses; adrenaline flowing though them as the light turned green and the roar of engines and squealing of tires rose to an almost deafening level. Both vehicles launched forward, leaving trails of rubber and traces of smoke in their wakes. Steve was driving the Mustang and Randy the Trans Am. Both fairly evenly matched, even with the various modifications that the two boys had made to their vehicles. As they tore down the road, neither seemed to have an edge over the other and they rapidly reached and then exceeded the posted speed limit of 45MPH. It was a little traveled road on the outside, the last light before leaving city limits and entering the county patrolled area that surrounded it. This was one of their favorite spots, rarely any cars out this way, especially this time of night.

Angela squealed with delight as her long brown hair flew backward in the breeze over the top of the passenger seat of Randy’s Trans Am. The sounds of the radio blasting Stabbing Westward drown out her scream, Randy hadn’t even noticed it. The top was down, adding to the buffeting of the wind that raced by the car’s occupants. She gripped the arm rest tightly and looked over at her older brother as he shifted gears once more and the unmistakable sound of climbing RPMs emanated from the black convertible’s engine. She turned to her right, looking at Steve who was staring straight ahead and had just finished a shift of his own. The dark green of the Mustang looked almost black in the pale light that surrounded the vehicles as they raced down the empty street.

It wasn’t so much a race as it was a game of chicken. If either boy missed the jump off the line, the race was over, but this time neither had. Now it was about how fast each dared to go before reaching the hill and the blind curve that followed it.

Greg gripped the handle of the Mustang so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His eyes were glued straight ahead, not daring to venture a glance to either side. The familiar feeling of the surge of adrenaline was flowing through him, making him feel alive. However, it made him very uneasy racing towards the famous hill at close to 100MPH. The hill would be fun, dropping down it at that speed was certain to send you stomach up into your throat. But at that speed, the blind turn would come quickly and it was impossible to tell what or who might be coming the other way. Perhaps it was the danger that heightened the sense of excitement, but that same danger made him very nervous.

“Enough!” Shouted Greg as he felt the ground fall away beneath them and tightened his stomach in a futile attempt to keep it where it was.

Steve dropped back a gear and Randy’s Trans Am pulled ahead and then banked hard to the right. Steve’s Mustang followed and tires squealed loudly as the two cars drifted into the turn. Randy saw the headlights first and his heart raced even faster, the pounding in his chest overpower the roar of the Ram Air 400 and the squeal of the tires. He aimed for the inside of the right lane and juiced the throttle to correct the understeer. Steve was right behind him, following suite and Randy glanced up in time to see the old man in the passing car glaring angrily, waving his fist in the air and shouting something. The two boys knew better than to stop and raced on, taking a few more turns before slowing down and pulling over.

Just another summer night in Huntsville Montana.

Giving it a go

2009-05-23T08:19:00.006-06:00

Some of you were kind of enough offer your opinions on my previous short story. Some posted here, others through email, but your opinions were all greatly appreciated and helpful. I am going to attemp to write a book and see how that goes. Granted, if I ever do get published I fully expected to go through multiple editing itterations, but the main thing I hope to discover (hopefully sooner rather than later) is whether or not I have "it". By "it", I mean the ability to articulate a story in a way that draws you in. If you read my work, is it like reading a newspaper? Or can you see what is happening in your mind? Do I make you want to continue reading?

I don't know how long it will take for me to finish this book, but I wanted to post the first draft of the prologue for it here. Please feel free to read through it and share your thoughts with me. Thank you all for your support and advice.

Prologue

It was just after 11PM and the night air was still warm from the long hot day that had preceded it. Excitement surrounded the group of teens in an electric buzz that tickled their senses, adrenaline flowing though them as the light turned green and the roar of engines and squealing of tires rose to an almost deafening level. Both vehicles launched forward, leaving trails of rubber and traces of smoke in their wakes. Steve was driving the Mustang and Randy the Trans-Am. Both fairly evenly matched, even with the various modifications that the two boys had made to their vehicles. Neither seemed to have an edge over the other as they tore down the road, rapidly reaching and then exceeding the posted speed limit of 45MPH.

Angela squealed with delight as her long brown hair flew backward in the breeze over the top of the passenger seat of Randy’s Trans-Am. The top was down, adding to the buffeting of the wind that raced by the car’s occupants. She gripped the arm rest tightly and looked over at her older brother as he shifted gears once more and the unmistakable sound of climbing RPMs emanated from the black convertible’s engine. She turned to her right, looking at Steve who was staring straight ahead and had just finished a shift of his own. The dark green of the Mustang looked almost black in the pale light that surrounded the vehicles as they raced down the empty street.

It wasn’t so much a race as it was a game of chicken. If either boy missed the jump off the line, the race was over, but this time neither had. Now it was about how fast you dared to go before reaching the hill and the blind curve that followed it.

Greg gripped the handle of the Mustang so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He loved the rush of adrenaline as much as the others, okay maybe not as much, but he still enjoyed it. However, it made him very uneasy racing towards the famous hill at close to 100MPH. The hill would be fun, dropping down it at that speed was certain to send you stomach up into your throat. But at that speed, the blind turn would come quickly and it was impossible to tell what or who might be coming the other way. Perhaps it was the danger that heightened the sense of excitement, but that same danger made him very nervous.

“Enough!” Shouted Greg as he felt the ground fall away beneath them and tightened his stomach in a futile attempt to keep it where it was.

Steve dropped back a gear and Randy’s Trans-Am pulled ahead and then banked hard to the right. Steve’s Mustang followed and tires squealed loudly as the two cars drifted into the turn. Randy saw the headlights first and his heart raced even faster, the pounding in his chest overpower the roar of the Ram Air 400 and the squeal of the tires. He aimed for the inside of the right lane and juiced the throttle to correct the understeer. Steve was right behind him, following suite and Randy glanced up in time to see the old man in the passing car glaring angrily, waving his fist in the air and shouting something. The two boys knew better than to stop and raced on, taking a few more turns before slowing down and pulling over.

Just another summer night in Huntsville Montana.

My true passion

2009-04-24T07:29:00.003-06:00

I've always wanted to be a writer, for as long as I can remember. That can be a hard job to land though and many of today's great writers started their careers as something else. Terry Brooks for example, was a lawyer for 17 years and it took him 7 years to write his first book, The Sword of Shannara. I love that book, as I have loved every Brooks book I've ever read (I must admit, there are a few I haven't read yet, but I'm sure they won't disappoint)
I just recently finished reading his book "Sometimes the Magic Works", which my loving wife so thoughtfully purchased for me some time back, but I never took the time to read until this week. That book has inspired me to investigate my aspirations a little further. So, I am posting here a short story that I originally wrote back in high school and just recently finished re-writing. If anyone has any comments, good or bad, please send them to me or post them here. Don't hold back. Let me know if it is too slow, too abrupt, doesn't flow well, etc.
I'm not quite happy with it, but I think it shows my potential writing style well.
So, without further ado, I humbly submit for your consideration:

Someone to Stay Strong

I placed the phone back on the receiver, still in a daze from the information I had just learned. How could this have happened? How could they really be gone? The first part of the conversation repeated itself in my mind:

“Sam?”

“Yeah?” I had replied. “What’s going on?”

“I’m afraid that Jennifer and Johnny have been in an accident.”

“Are they alright?” I had asked, panic leaking into my voice knowing one of them would have likely called me themselves if they were.

“No. Jennifer was pronounced dead at the scene. Johnny was transported to the hospital in critical condition, but died shortly after arriving. I’m so sorry.”

The rest of the conversation was a blur. It had to be. I was in shock and disbelief from what I had just heard. Dead? Both of them? I could never see either of them again? Why had my two best friends been taken away from me?

I walked down the hall as these questions raced through my mind, assaulting my emotions mercilessly and feeling as if they might rip my very soul from my body. I entered my bedroom, feeling like I was in a dream and looked around at the neatly organized room. Everything in its place, just as it always was. I kept my room the way I liked my life, organized, calm. No surprises unless I was the one orchestrating them. But this… I did not see it coming. I picked up my keys from where I kept them on top of my dresser, next to the small display of Burger King toys of characters from the movie Toy Story and walked back the way I had come.

I drove to down the street on auto-pilot, hardly aware of where I was heading, trusting my instincts and habits to take me to the place I often went to reflect on things. The dark streets were empty of movement, save for the occasional pair of headlights, providing a brief glimpse of the damp surroundings as I drove through the light rain that had started to fall about the time I received that fateful phone call. There was no moon. Or, at least no moon was visible. No stars either for that matter. Clouds filling the entire sky, or so I assumed, not being able to actually see them. The black of the sky weighed down on me like the ominous message that kept playing itself out in my mind as I navigated the familiar path without thought or effort.

The familiar overpass was barely visible through the light rain, no street lamps illuminating it or the surrounding area. Perhaps that is why we came here so often. Out of the way, always wrapped in shadows or the black of night and free from even occasional traffic. No one came here. No one but us. Everyone else raced along the interstate underneath. Blissfully unaware that this place even existed. Memory lane. That’s what we liked to call it. None of us knew its true name. That never mattered. All that mattered was that we could come here to be kids. To engage in activities that we all knew would get us into trouble, if we were ever caught, but which we did anyway for the thrill and excitement. Those times were all about us and the rest of the world didn’t matter. But tonight it was just me. There would be no more “us”. Not anymore. I parked my car a block away from the overpass, out of habit more than anything else, turned off the motor and felt the light rain hit my face and arms as I climbed out.

Walking toward the overpass, I thought of how this terrible thing could have happened. I was angry. Angry at Johnny for driving so carelessly. He always drove that way, but most of the time it simply added to our fun and excitement. These kinds of things weren’t supposed to happen to kids that just wanted to have fun. We didn’t drink or do drugs and would certainly never operate a vehicle had we decided to experiment with those things. Yes, we were often careless, but there were certain things you just didn’t do. Even we knew that. Speeding in certain parts of the city was one of those things. So why had Johnny done it? Might have done it, I corrected myself. I didn’t know if he was speeding at the time of the accident, but I was still angry. Angry at Johnny for being the one driving. Angry at Jennifer for not insisting her brother drive carefully. Angry at both of them for leaving me. Angry at whoever had been driving that van that had run the right light. That was who should hold the majority of the blame. That was who had been driving under the influence and had taken my friends from me. But that person did not currently have a name or a face. Jen and John had both.

I stood on the overpass, looking out across the horizon, or where the horizon would be if anything were visible. Dark shapes of cars and trucks passed beneath me. The light from their head lamps mostly consumed by the rain as they drove along, barely able to illuminate more than just a few feet. No one could see me standing there. No one would see anything if I were to throw myself over the side. Perhaps in front of a south-bound semi. Those had always been the most fun, having to travel more than four miles from that point to reach our location, if they knew how to reach it at all. I thought on that option, a quick way to end this pain that was consuming me and perhaps allow me to be with my friends once more. I approached the edge and looked down, unable to see the road I knew was beneath me through the dark and the rain. It was getting colder now, but I hardly noticed. That slight discomfort was greatly overpowered by the anguish I felt internally. I put my hands on the cement barrier that acting as a railing for the overpass, feeling the rough, wet surface against my palms. It would be so easy. Just hoist myself up and swing my legs over the side as I had done so many times with fences in the past. Just wait for the right time and it would all be over in mere seconds.

I removed my hands and took one step backward. Coward. Don’t you want to see your friends again? Rage flooded through me anew. Angry with Johnny. Angry with Jennifer. Angry with the nameless killer who had taken them from me. Angry with myself for being a coward. I punched the cement barricade in frustration, feeling the immovable object jar my fist, arm and entire body with the impact. Fist still clenched, I raised it towards my face, looking down toward the fresh cuts that must surely be there, but which I could not see. It had stopped raining now, but I could feel moisture running down my arm, collecting at my elbow and dripping onto the asphalt at my feet. Perhaps the faint splashes I could hear through the silence of the night were from my blood dripping into a puddle. Perhaps it was just rain and my hand had not been cut. It did not matter. Nothing did. My friends were gone and they were never coming back.

The next morning I awoke from a troubled sleep. Had it been a dream? Perhaps at any time the phone would ring and Johnny or Jennifer would be on the other end, asking that familiar question. “What do you want to do tonight?” It was never a question of if or with whom. Only what. We did something every night. But no call came.

The funeral was a few days later and by then my rage and anger had mostly dissipated, replaced by a numbness that was starting to sink in. Perhaps I was still in denial. Or perhaps I just didn’t know how to handle the gravity of the situation. What kid did? Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to kids. At least not kids you knew. This was the kind of thing you heard about on the news, in a place far away that you’d never even heard of before. They didn’t happen to you.

Everyone was in their best dress, myself included, as I arrived at the church. It was a beautiful spring day. The rain from days before had now been dried by the brightly shining sun and the sounds of falling rain had been replaced with the faint chirping of birds off in the distance somewhere. Flowers were in bloom and everything was green. It was my favorite time of year and I particularly enjoyed days like this. So did Jennifer. We had enjoyed many things together since we started dating. That seemed like so long ago, but in truth it had been little over a year.

Music was playing as I entered the church and greeted family members of my friends. Several bouquets and wreaths were on display by the pulpit and around the two coffins in front of the first row of pews. The lids were closed, the viewing had been the night before, allowing me one last chance to see my friends. I couldn’t remember who I had spoken to that night or if I had even spoken to anyone. I didn’t seem to remember much these days. Perhaps it was from a lack of sleep. Perhaps it was because in my mind they were still here and the three of us were thinking on what we wanted to do that night. Perhaps it was because I could not seem to find a way to escape from this waking dream.

When it was my turn to speak, I walked to the pulpit and looked out at everyone sitting in the pews. Most I knew, some I did not. Some I had only seen in pictures before. But all looked up at me. Many eyes were red and puffy and many handkerchiefs were held close or being used to dab moist eyes. I wanted to cry. It hurt so much and crying seemed like the only appropriate action. But I knew that wasn’t what the family needed. They needed to hear kind words about their departed loved ones. They needed their faith bolstered that they might be able to see them again one day. They needed someone to stay strong.

I recounted the good times that I had shared with my beloved friends and mentioned their many enduring traits. How Johnny was friends with almost everyone and always had a light-heartedness about him. He would always tease you or find something to joke about. It could be annoying at times, but I didn’t speak on that. I only spoke about how he could make you laugh if you were having a bad day and always seemed to be able to take your mind off things. I could sure use some of his influence in that way these days. I spoke about how Jennifer was so selfless, always helping others and considering their own needs ahead of her own. I recounted how she took care of her younger brother when he was sick, caring for him in that motherly fashioned that seemed engrained as a part of her very being. Perhaps that was what had attracted me so much to her. Both of them were truly a blessing to all of the lives they had touched in their short span on this earth and I said as much in my closing words, stating that both would be missed by friends and family alike and that the world would not be the same without them.

Many in the congregation cried, either from grief, gratitude or found thoughts of the departed, or perhaps some mix of the three. I somehow managed to make it through my words without shedding a tear. I had found a way to stay strong.

Everyone drove to the cemetery after that, words were spoken, prayers were uttered and the coffins were lowered into the ground. Some left right after that, others stayed and talked for a time, but eventually everyone was gone and I found myself alone in front of the two fresh graves, not yet covered.

To my left, the tombstone read:

Jennifer Miller
1978 – 1995
Always thought of others

And the one to my right read:

Johnny Miller
1976 – 1995
A friend to all

I read both of them a few times, agreeing that the information displayed could not be more accurate. The numbness that had so fully enveloped me earlier was starting to fade and I could feel the pain and anguish returning. The strength I had fought so hard to show earlier quickly leaving me. I looked around again, ensuring that I was alone and allowed the strength to be drained from me and the pain and anguish to fill the void that it had left.

The emotions were so overpowering that I dropped to my knees, unable to stand under the burden that was being placed on my soul. I cupped my hands around my face and closed my eyes, unable to stay strong any longer. Then, I cried.

Update

2009-01-23T07:33:00.002-07:00

If you couldn't tell, the last few months have been very busy for me. Worked a lot of 15 hour days and many 6 day weeks, even a few 7 day weeks although I try to limit that as much as I can.
It's been worth it though, the project I was working is coming to a close and I have high hopes for it going forward. Pilot should start pretty soon and we'll see how it goes.
I didn't take a vacation last year, but will make sure that I take one this year. You know what they say about all work and no play.

Time flies when you're having fun

2008-11-15T03:45:00.002-07:00

Wow, it sure is easy to forget about your Blog when you get busy.
Work has been very busy lately, which is good. Better than the alternative at any rate.

I have made some time for some fun though. I picked up a copy of Guitar Hero World Tour and have played that a few times with a group of friends. It's pretty fun. Guitar, Bass, Drums and Vocals. I find the drums to be pretty hard, but one of my friends is pretty good at it.

I've done all four, but my preference is either guitar or bass, most songs being easier on bass than on the guitar, but there are a few that are the other way around.

Do you know that Guitar Hero franchise has made over 2 billion dollars? Man, I've got to make time to learn how to write games. It would be so cool to write a game that millions of people want to play, even if it didn't make any money. Although, how much cooler would it be to be able to make your living and secure your retirement by writing a game?

Has it been that long already?

2008-09-18T23:09:00.002-06:00

Man, how time flies when you're having fun. Or working a lot.

Anyway, this entry I thought I talk a little about some of the books I've been reading lately. I'm a bit of a bookworm and Terry Brooks is one of my favorite authors, an incredible story teller, with great stories to tell. I started reading the Genesis of Shannara series about a year ago, the third book having just been released last month, which I'm almost done with. I also started reading the Word and the Void once I had finished the second book in the Genesis series and had a year to wait for the third. In both of these series', the world is facing some serious challenges. The Word and Void takes place first, in which times are tough and the world is headed for certain disaster. In both of these sets of books, their is the Void and the demons that it uses to fight for its cause and there is the Word and the Knights of the Word that it uses to fight for its cause.

Here's where it gets interesting. The demons don't work the way you might think, they work by cunning, trickery and subtle means. Spending years on a plan that slowly comes together and snowballs with terrific force. The good do what they can to prevent this, but often discover too late the real intents of the tricky demons. Just when they think they are one step ahead, it turns out they are actually two steps behind.

I find the stories riveting and many good people die, just as you'd expect in real life fights of good versus evil.

And on that note, what is good and what is evil? The men that brought about the collapse of the twin towers did so in the name of their God, claiming to be fighting the good fight. I do not believe it though, I believe they are evil. That anyone who preys on those who are weaker are evil and those who fight to defend the week are generally good. Many good lives are lost in the fight between good and evil, it is sad, but it is also reality.

Right now, I have a brother in Iraq, fighting the good fight and, God willing, he will return home unharmed at the end of his tour. I do not like the fighting, I wish it could just end, but I realize that isn't going to happen when children are taught from birth to hate others. I encourage anyone who reads this to do their part not to influence any child to hate another human being, for any reason.

And for those looking for a good read, Terry Brooks comes highly recommended. He has many different types of stories and all are fascinating, well told and typically offer excellent metaphors about life, the world and human nature.

Checking in

2008-08-18T20:30:00.001-06:00

So it's been almost a month since my last post. I haven't been doing much but work lately. Things have been very busy and I find myself starting work sometime between 5 and 6 in the morning and ending around 9 or 10 at night. It's been a little rough, but I knew I'd have to go through this sort of thing to get my company off the ground.
Hopefully the big projects will come and things will get a little more stable and consistent.

Sure enough

2008-07-21T08:00:00.002-06:00

Well, that last goal I set of gaining one pound in two weeks isn't holding up so well at present. Currenly I have to gain two pounds to get there.

I need to find somehting else to write about now, this Wii fit related thread is getting old and my weight really isn't changing all that much. I'll sound off on that again later if anything a bit more significant happens.

In the mean time, other things that have been happening lately are that my grandmother (my dad's mother) passed away late last Thursday night. She and my grandfather had been married for almost 60 years, so it must be hard on him to lose his long time companion. I've only been married a little over 10 years and it would be a pretty hard adjustment for me to make, so hopefully I'll never have to.

I did it

2008-07-10T20:54:00.002-06:00

Well, I hit my goal of gaining two pounds and I did it week early. Some of you may think that's no big deal, but for me, gaining two pounds in one week is quite an accomplishment. I've set another goal to gain one more pound within the next two weeks. We'll see if I can hit that or if I backslide and drop below my previous goal.
Although, I've been so busy with work lately that I've really been slacking on my exercise program. I'll have to try to make up for that tomorrow, which could have an adverse affect on my recent weight gains, but I'd rather keep myself in good shape, even if it means I have to lose a few pounds.

Guitar Hero

2008-07-05T16:17:00.002-06:00

Yesterday my company did a booth at the Farr West Freedom Festival, a small city celebration for Independence Day. My original plan was to have people box each other using the Wii and my sister in law made up a poster for me that said "Fight a friend to help a stranger" and had pictures of boxing gloves on it. (The explanation here is that all proceeds from the booth will be donated to the Humanitarian Aid Fund, the same fund that supplied food, blankets and other items to the victims of hurricane Katrina long before FEMA and had said items ready to go before the hurricane made landfall)
Anyway, for those who haven't played Wii boxing, it can be exhausting and you can work up a sweat even when playing in a cool basement. When I learned it was going to be 102 on the 4th, I decided it would be best to take a different approach, lest I be the target of several wrongful death lawsuits by family members of those who collapsed as a result of engaging in such an activity in such conditions. So, plan B ended up being to play Guitar Hero, a fun game that mimics playing the guitar (although I must say, not very realistically) and the object of the game is to follow the onscreen action to hit the right notes at the right times. It is a very fun game, despite, or perhaps even because of, its lack of realism.
It went fairly well, despite the heat and we saw some kids that were pretty darn good at the game. Although, the best score I saw all day was 89 thousand points. Seems there was a Guitar Hero champion ship recently and the winner, a 14 year old boy, got 890 thousand points. Ten times the best that I saw, which was already mind-boggling. The song played is called, "Through the fire and flames". If you can find a clip of it online, listen to the guitar part and think of how tricky it would be to play such a song.
I can't help but wonder if that kid does anything other than play Guitar Hero...

Didn't make my goal

2008-06-23T14:51:00.002-06:00

Well, I had put in a 2-week goal in my Wii fit profile to gain 5 pounds in two weeks, but wasn't able to do it. At the end of the two weeks, I was exactly the same weight. So, I've put in a new goal to try and gain 2 pounds in two weeks. We'll see if I can pull that one off.

It seems like when it comes to a change in weight, this is the order of difficulty:

Put on weight by storing more fat (all you have to do in order to do this is to consume more calories than you burn and if you don't move around much, you can probably get by on burning only 1200 or 1500 colories per day, depending on your metabolism of course)

Lose weight (this is just the opposite, you just have to consume less calories than you burn. So, if you limit your intake to 1000 calories per day, but excercise such that you burn at least 2000 calories per day, then you'll lose a pound about every three or four days)

Gain weight by building muscle (this seems to be the hardest to do. In order to build muscle, you have to work out, which burns calories, but in order to gain weight you still have to take in more calories than you burn.)

That may seem like an oversimplification, but the math I believe is 1 pound = 3500 calories (someone correct me if I'm wrong on that), so in order for me to gain 2 pounds, I'll have to consume 7000 more calories than I burn. For me, that may prove to be tough.
We'll see how it goes.

Mii fitness

2008-06-16T08:03:00.003-06:00

I've been playing Wii fit every day for the last few days and starting to get a little better at the various games. I'm still not real consistent with all of the different activities and some of them still give me problems (I do terrible with the bubble balance one, haven't been able to get all the way through it yet). I just unlocked the snowboarding one this morning, but I must say, I don't like it as much as the skiing one.
They are fun games though and can help keep you motivate to work out. Which, at least for me, really helps stick to a fitness program. It's far too easy to be too busy or tired to exercise and just be a couch potato.
I've learned that my balance and agility isn't so great though, so I'm really going to focus on those areas and see if I can't improve.

More toys

2008-06-10T06:17:00.002-06:00

We have a Wii that my wife bought back when they first came out (she was actually able to get one at retail price without having to camp out for three days in a Walmart parking lot), which is fun and the kids enjoy playing with it too. But just this past weekend, she bought the Wii fit game and balance board. So of course we had to play around with it over the weekend.

It has two different skiing games (or at least those are the only two I've seen so far), one that is a slalom through gates and the other that is a jump. Now, I love to ski and although I admit I am certainly no expert, I can make my way down the slope and go where I intend to go most of the time. But in this slalom game, it is so sensitive to movement that I found myself just all over the place and couldn't get through the gates to save my life. I think at my best I still missed at least 5 gates.
But the jump, I got that pretty good. All you have to do on that one is duck down a bit and lean forward so that your weight is distributed a certain way to pick up speed as you go down the hill, then, when you hit the jump point, you have to stand up straight (quickly) and stay as still as you can. If you do those things, you'll get a good jump score.

I was never able to get a score of more than one star (which it seems has a rank of "unbalanced", maybe "unhinged" was the word they were looking for...) on the slalom, but got three stars right off the bat in the jump.

We've just used it the one time so far, but it can calculate your weight and after you tell it how tall you are, also calculates your BMI. We got the whole family registered on it, confirming what I already knew, my wife and kids both fall right in the middle of the "normal" range and I'm in the "underweight" category. So I set a goal for my character to put on a few pounds in a couple of weeks. We'll see how that ends up going.

It should provide a little extra motivation though, as it plots how you are doing and you can see your trends over time. Now I just have to remember to use it at least once every week (preferably three times)

All work and no play make Doobie a dull boy

2008-06-07T09:04:00.003-06:00

This past week has been pretty rough work wise. I worked ten to twelve hours every day, except for Saturday and Sunday when I worked eight and four hours respectively. I'm almost done with this project though, so that's good.
The frustrating part is when you're just spinning your wheels. I know I'll get blasted by all of the Java disciples for saying this, but working with Java again this past week after having not used it in a few years really makes me appreciate C# and the .Net framework.
Yeah, Java is a good platform and the syntax of the language itself is also good, but the utilities and plugins and trying to get everything configured right and playing nice just makes me crazy. Sure, it can be done and there seem to be people out there who prefer it, but .Net is so much more straightforward when it comes to all that sort of thing.
Okay, enough complaining and time to get back to work.
I'll sound off later.

Toys

2008-06-01T17:33:00.002-06:00

Toys are great. They can really make life fun and they come in all different shapes and sizes.
Friday night we had some friends over and played Big Brain Academy on the Nintendo Wii. It's a very fun game, challenging you with different categories such as Visual, Memorize and Compute. I used to have the highest score, but one of my friends beat me by 30 points (1361 versus 1331) so I've got some training and retesting to do to see if I can regain the top spot. Granted, I'm sure that plenty of people out there have a lot higher scores than that (feel free to leave comments about your high score if you feel so inclined) but considering I play it so infrequently, I feel okay with those results.

Anyway, yesterday I mowed the lawn using another toy. My wife bought a John Deere riding mower. More of small tractor with a mowing blade on it really. The thing is pretty sweet. It has 4 wheel steering and cruise control. Yeah, you read right. Cruise control. On a lawn mower. I had no idea they had such a thing. At any rate, I can do the lawn in like 20 minutes with that thing. I use the same kind of pattern as a Zamboni refinishing the ice between periods.

Yeah, toys are fun.

Weather

2008-05-21T19:44:00.002-06:00

This topic is one we seem to have in common with everyone all over the world. Granted, the weather might vary greatly from one part of the world to another, but it is still either too hot, too cold, too wet or too dry.

Over the weekend and on Monday it was too hot and too dry. Yesterday wasn't bad and then today was just plain too cold, too wet and too windy. It's odd how we can get a 30+ degree temperature swing in less than 24 hours. Just goes to show that for all of the amazing things we've been able to come up with as humans, can't even come close to the power of nature.

This time of year we have a lot of snow melt and run-off and as a result, rivers are higher and faster than any other time of the year and can be quite dangerous at times. It seems as if a distant relative may have drowned in such conditions over the weekend. The theory is he tried to pull up his anchor, fell in and was swept away. It seems the conditions were so bad, they didn't want to send in divers to look for the body. That's saying something when it is too risky for experienced divers.

Camping is one of the favorite activities in Utah and Memorial day is the unofficial kicking of the camping season, but this is probably one of the most dangerous times to go up into the hills, particularly if you're going to be near any of the rivers and have young children.

Okay, I guess that's enough rambling for now. I'll try to post more later on when I have something to talk about.

Spring work

2008-05-11T10:24:00.002-06:00

This weekend I did a lot of spring time work. I love spring, things are warming up, plants are coming into bloom, the world is full of life.
Unfortunately, I have allergies, so often times the very things that I find so much joy in looking at can also cause me some discomfort and cost me some sleep.
Yesterday I mowed the lawn, tilled the garden and replaced a sprinkler head. Last night I didn't sleep very well, kept sneezing and had to get up several times to blow my nose. I finally went downstairs and watched some TV for a bit. Typically there isn't much on at 1:30 in the morning, but luckily there was an America's Funniest Videos special, featuring clips about animals which I've also found to be the most entertaining. I don't know, there's just something about a kangaroo kicking a man in the crotch that just cracks me up. Anyway, I woke up with a headache and I'm a little tired today.

Today of course is Mother's day. I saw my mother this morning and wished her a happy Mother's day. I also gave my wife breakfast in bed and, since she isn't my mother, my kids gave her some clothing as a Mother's day gift. A little later I'll go to church and sing with the choir in honer of this special day.

I also got to speak with my little brother, who is currently serving a mission in Germany. Missionaries are only allowed to speak with their families on two days, Christmas and Mother's day. So it was a rare opportunity. He'll be back before next Christmas.

Later today, I'll stop by my grandmother's place and wish her a happy Mother's day as well. Not everyone is lucky enough to have such great family and to live within a short drive of most of them.

Last weekend

2008-05-06T16:39:00.002-06:00

Well, last Friday, I (along with half the population of the United States it would seem) went with my wife and some friends to see Iron Man. It was a very good movie, better than I had expected and quite a bit more than the poor super hero knockoff movies that are little more than a fancy custom with lots of special effects. I enjoyed the character development, plot, humor and of course the action and special effects. I would recommend it to anybody.

Saturday I had a baptism, triplets (two boys and one girl), plus one other boy. The one was a little late showing up, so we didn't get started until about 15 minutes after we should have and then the thing ran a little long anyway, so it ended up taking almost twice as long as some others, but it ended up going okay.

Other than some yardwork, that was pretty much my weekend. Two of the other projects that I've been working recently are all but wrapped up and I need to do some bids on some new projects, but it's good to keep busy. Much better than the alternative.

The other movies that I'm really looking forward to are Prince Caspian as well both the new Batman and new Hulk movies, which hopefully will be pretty good. It would be extra nice if one of them can rival Iron Man, but that might be asking a bit much, especially of a sequel.

A new month

2008-05-01T06:22:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it's been over two weeks since my last post, but then, things have been kind of hectic lately.
Work is going well, plenty to keep me busy there and I've got a few different projects that I'm jumping between, involving different languages.
Last Friday and over the weekend I was writing in PHP, then on Monday it was C#, Tuesday I shifted to JSP and then yesterday I was back on C# again. It can get confusing switching between languages like that, but I think it makes for a better developer if one learns to code in at least two different languages.

Today will likely be mostly C#, although I may end up needing to do some Java as well, depending on test results from one of the projects that I'm working.

This Saturday I'll be baptising triplets, first time I've ever done that and might be the last too.

Finally made some time for an update

2008-04-13T08:41:00.002-06:00

Wow, that was a crazy busy week. Anyway, I just wanted to post a bit more about the last general conference. The entire thing is available online to either read, watch or listen to. If you want to check it out, you can do so by going here:
http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-851,00.html

I'll just touch on a few of the highlights, or at least the things that stood out to me.

Elder Christofferson talked about how his grandfather was the one that gave him is Patriarchal blessing, which I thought was kind of cool because my grandfather was the one who gave me mine. Not many people have the opportunity to be related to a Patriarch. He also talked about how we should always be willing to have open discussions with those of other faiths.

Elder Child talked about how he once earned twenty dollars as a child and had asked to be paid in silver dollars (those were much more common at the time) and how he put two of them in an envelope to pay his tithing. He stated that paying tithing is the best investment we can make.

Elder Ballard said that there is no role more essential than that of motherhood and that the biggest mistake parents can make is not living in the moment enough. Play with your kids at the park instead of rushing them off to the next event. Parents should focus on their children and not over schedule their children or themselves.

President Monson spoke a few times and of course had many good things to say. Of them though, the things that stood out to me most were him stating that we live in troubled times with lots of affliction, conflict and disasters, but that we can make a difference. We should stand for the right, even if that means we have to stand alone. And we should not permit ourselves to do anything that we wouldn't want our kids to do.

Many good messages were shared, so if you have some time, I urge you to read, listen to, or watch a few of the talks that were given. You may find them more enlightening and/or inspiring than you expect.

General Conference

2008-04-06T04:48:00.003-06:00

This weekend is General Conference weekend. Twice a year, the general authorities of the church hold this conference, which consists of 5 sessions total. 2 two hour general sessions on Saturday, 1 two hour priesthood session on Saturday night and finally 2 more two hour sessions on Sunday. Except for the priesthood session (which is only available on closed-circuit broadcast) all of the sessions are public and transmitted all over the world so that members of the church world wide can listen to the general authorities of the church speak.

I want to talk just a little about the priesthood session that was held last night.
First, let me say that I've always been a fan of the humanitarian aid fund that the LDS church has. I've always known that it does a lot of good and that it has less overhead than any other charity of its nature (at least of that size) so when you give to it, you know the money will go directly to helping those in need and not to pay for any overhead.

But, what I did not realize was the extent of the reach of that program, which Bishop Burton spoke about last night and provided some very interesting numbers.

He talked about different events, such as earth quakes, floods, fires, etc and how many people in how many different countries had been assisted in 2007. In all, the church responded to 176 different events in 52 different countries during that year alone. On top of that, the church also assisted with immunizations, donated wheel chairs and other such activities to help those in need as well. In all, 3.9 million people in 85 countries where assisted last year by the humanitarian aid fund of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Bishop Burton then went on to say that things that we do for ourselves are quickly forgotten, but that things that we do for others ends up being our legacy.

I've read different things by various bloggers who do not understand the nature of the church. One said that "Mormons are just as crazy as Scientologists", another claimed that Joseph Smith wrote the book of Mormon (he didn't, he translated it) and yet another called the church a cult, full of secrecy and mistrust of outsiders. If you ever see LDS General Conference in your local programming (if you have cable or satellite, you likely have it for certain, not sure about standard channels in various places), please tune in, if only briefly. There will be no strings attached and you can learn first had the kinds of things that are preached to the members of the church and see our leadership firsthand.

I'll post more thoughts on general conference after today's two sessions, but my message to anyone I'm able to reach with this is to please learn the facts firsthand (as opposed to your co-worker's cousin's friend's fiance says...) and then make up your own minds from there.

Listen to the news and to Hollywood if you must (but let's be honest, how often to they get everything that they report correct?) but remember that you can always go to www.mormon.org and learn first-hand what the church is really all about. And visiting the site will not trigger some trace to send missionaries to your home.

I'll write more later.

Communication

2008-03-31T07:32:00.002-06:00

I spoke in sacrament meeting yesterday, but let me back up and lay out the entire story, as that's the part that is really worth talking about.
As the ward mission leader, the 2nd counselor in our bishopric asked me back towards the end of February if I would talk with the full time elders in the area and if the three of us would speak on the 5th Sunday of March. I agreed and talked with one of the elders a couple of days later. He said they were open and would be happy to do it.
A few weeks later when I was with both of the elders, I asked if they were all set to talk, but they couldn't remember having been asked and said they had already committed to speak in another ward that same day. Luckily, the elder I had spoken with had written it down in his book, so even though he didn't remember having been asked, it was indeed on their schedule. But, the still had the other commitment and said they'd check on the time.
After they did that, they found the other ward met ta 9AM (we meet at 1PM) so it was no problem.
On Saturday, I conducted another baptism and the 2nd counselor was there. Afterwards, I asked him a question about the Sunday program and he didn't remember having asked me to talk in Sacrament meeting and that a member from the stake high council would be speaking. At this point, I was starting to get concerned that I'd completely lost my mind.
Later in the day he (the 2nd counselor) called me up to say that the high councilman had just told him the speaker that was going to come with him fell through and he needed another speaker. So, I was back on the program.
I talked with the music director about it and she too had been told by the second counselor that I would speaking that week back in February and to get with me about the music (we had done that several weeks ago) So, the good news is I haven't lost my mind. The bad news is that perhaps the 2nd counselor has.
I had prepared to talk for 20 minutes and had to end up cutting that in half, but all in all it went well and everyone involved was able to find the humor in the situation.
I stated that I'd rather be prepared and not have to speak than the other way around.

There's no place like home

2008-03-27T11:11:00.002-06:00

I just got back from a business trip to Alabama. The weather was nice (low to mid 60s) and I met some new people, established some new relationships and strengthened others. All in all, it was a good trip.

This morning it snowed here and there's a cold wind. It doesn't feel much like spring at the moment like it did further south (and east). But despite that, it's great to be back home.

There seem to be a lot of places that are nice to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. (Wherever that might be)

Baptism

2008-03-23T14:55:00.004-06:00

I conducted a convert baptism yesterday, my first this year. The man is in his mid-30's and I've seen such a big change in him during the past 6 months.

Growing up in a particular faith, it seems to be much easier to hold on to those beliefs and traditions. But when, after already having reached adulthood, if you can still have an open mind to hear things out and have the spirituality to pray to know the truth of new information, I think that is something very special.

I have seen so often people who refuse to have an open mind. They think that what they have been taught is the way things are and nothing else could possibly have any merit. And I must admit, I myself when through a time when I was that way and did not have an open mind.

Even so, I'm not sure that I would have guts to do what some of these people I've known and worked with have done, nor am I confident that I'd have enough faith to pray about the new things I'd learned to find out if they were true. I admire these fine people, their faith and conviction is inspiring.

Is the customer always right?

2008-03-20T20:33:00.003-06:00

Today was a long day... 12 and a half hours to be exact (not counting commute time). I got a lot done, so that's good, but some people can be hard to work with for one reason or another.
One particular customer is the type who is always right and easily annoyed by anyone who disagrees with him or doesn't want to do things his way. He also wants things delivered ASAP, even if he just changed his mind and is having you redo work that had previously been done and approved.
It can be frustrating, but you can't always pick your customers.

On a lighter side, my little girl had a birthday earlier in the week and we had fun singing to her, watching her open presents and of course having cake and ice cream. Kids are great. Or at least they can be when not throwing a fit for whatever reason.

The struggles of a small company

2008-03-14T16:25:00.002-06:00

Going through this process myself now, I have a renewed respect for anyone who has built their own company. You start off just by yourself, if you don't log hours you can't invoice and if you can't invoice you don't get paid.
But, you need to keep new working coming in. So, a portion of your time has to be spend on non-billable activities, such reading and responding to RFPs and otherwise trying to figure out where your next project will come from. I have a few different pokers in the fire right now, if all of them bare fruit, I'll be so busy I won't know what to do. If none bare fruit, I'll still be okay, but that'll mean the business isn't growing any.
So, do you get all of the work and then hope you can hire to get it all done? Or do you turn work away and hope that later (when the current work slows down) you'll be able to find more?
It is an interesting challenge. The next few months should indicate how I've been able to handle that challenge.

It did get better, eventually

2008-03-08T21:10:00.002-07:00

Okay, so after going back to the game, I took a risk on shorting some stock because it was at a real high price. So, I go for broke and short more than I can afford, but with the potential to make 250K, figured that should get me back into the game. However, the next card for that stock had it splitting rather than going down, so I went bankrupt a second time (that's a new record for our group). One of my friends, his wife and my wife all got out of the rate race and just me and another friend were left in it, but then I was finally able to get some traction, got a couple business opportunities that worked out, a duplex and an 8-plex and finally was able to get out of the rat race. Then after running around on the fast track for awhile without anyone finally winning, my wife finally won (she usually does when we play that game, I think I only one once).
So, even if your luck just seems terrible, you can always turn things around. This may have been just a game, but the same is true for real life. Never give up.

CashFlow

2008-03-07T21:32:00.002-07:00

So, today is game night. We went out with some friends to our favorite Chinese place and came back to my place to play CashFlow, a very fun game that teaches you about investing. I'm writing now as the game is being played because I'm getting my teeth kicked in at the moment. I couldn't get any deals on my draws, then I draw a doodad card (means I have to buy something). Sometimes the doodad isn't bad, like a coffee maker or something for 50 bucks. But no, I have to draw the vacation home doodad card. 25K down plus 500 per month. Anyway, I didn't have the money so had to go bankrupt. Which, among other things, means I lose three turns. (Thus the time I have to write this entry in my blog) Then, I get a chance to buy stock due to another card at a great deal, which normally I couldn't take, but due to the nature of the card I could. So, I put almost all of my cash into the stock because the price was so good. And then on the next round, that stock goes bankrupt. Okay, well it's finally my turn again, so I'm going to go try to climb out of the gutter and get back into the game.
More later.

Ah, spring

2008-03-02T18:27:00.003-07:00

First a quick update on my friend (the one I collided with at ramming speed while skiing around the middle of February). He's on the mend and doing better, it would appear that now serious harm was done and he hasn't sued me for whiplash or anything like that, so it would seem no real damage came out of the incident.

I haven't written in a couple of weeks, been allowing myself to get too busy, but I have something write about now. We got a fair amount of snow this season, but it has been melting pretty good of late and this morning our basement flooded. Nothing too bad, but it's the third time in 6 years that it has happened, so we've decided to give up on carpet in that part of the basement. The good thing is we have some great neighbors and they helped us get things cleaned up and had us over for dinner this evening, so all of that was good.

It's a beautiful thing when neighbors help each other out and look out for each other. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did that? I mean, just imagine if certain parts of the world that just can't seem to get along could adopt that kind of an attitude. I'm confident they would get much more enjoyment out of helping each other than fighting each other if they could just give it a chance.

No serious harm done (I hope)

2008-02-17T19:58:00.002-07:00

Well, my friend was having pains, particular when waking up in the morning and when he did things like cough or laugh. It wasn't very pleasant. So, he went to the doctor and had an X-ray taken, but they determined that no bone damage was done (he thought he might have had a cracked rib) and it seems to just be soft tissue damage (like a bad bruise). So they've got him taking some pain killers and hopefully the situation will work itself out in a couple of days time. We'll see how he's doing come Wednesday I guess.

On a different topic, I started playing a game on the GameCube called "The Lord of the Rings, the Third Age" with my son. He gets a kick out of it and likes fighting the bad guys. We played for almost 4 hours and the progress for our game indicated we had completed 2% of the game, although I had been taking it slow and just letting him enjoy the game, not trying to race through it as quick as I could. But then I woke up a little early on Saturday and played by myself for awhile and then played with my son again for a little bit yesterday and today. Now I'm at 13% completion and the game is kind of addicting. I love the music from the Lord of the Rings movies, along with the scenery and the story and this game has all of those things, so I find myself really drawn into it.

I find I can often spend a lot of time on something if I don't watch myself. My wife bought me the first book of the High Druid of Shannara a while back, but I only read a couple of pages and first and never really got into it. Then I took it on a business trip with me and read quite a few chapters on the plane. That got me hooked and I finished the book fairly quickly, but of course it was the first in a trilogy and had a cliff-hanger ending. My wife, the thoughtful person that she is, bought me the next two books in the series the following Saturday and ten days later I had finished with both of them.

I used to read quite a bit when I was younger (middle school up until my Jr. year in high school). Must have read 20 novels one summer alone. I realize that may make me sound like a nerd and maybe it does, but while I may have spent and entire summer with my nose in various books once, I know someone who once spent an entire summer in their basement writing programs in Pascal.

Ah, youth. They say it is wasted on the young, but that is just because they are jealous (I know I am).

Rookies need room

2008-02-12T19:42:00.002-07:00

I'm not the best skier in the world (or even in my small town, heck probalby not even on my street) but it's something that I really enjoy.
So, the other day I go skiing with a friend of mine that I've known for a good 16 years or so. Most of the runs were fairly uneventful, the snow was kind of crusty and icy (no fresh powder in several days and it had been sunny for at least 3 days) so it was a little choppy and hard to stop sometimes.
But on one particular run, my friend was ahead of me, cutting back and forth across the hill and I was doing the same behind him. Well, I cut one way to go behind him (kind of make a figure-8 pattern which we do from time to time going down the hill), however, he didn't know where I was and just then turned and started to come to a stop so he could look up the hill and see where I was (he's a better skier than I am). So, basically we both turned towards each other. He was practically at a stop, so couldn't really move, while I was moving at a pretty good clip. But, I could tell I didn't have enough time to go around him as fast as I was going and didn't want to fall down and clip his legs out from under him, so I just dropped my poles and crashed into him standing up.
Now, if you've ever played pool, I'm sure you've noticed that when you hit the cue ball into another ball, the other ball goes flying while the cue just sort of sits there and doesn't move nearly as much once contact is made.
That's what happened here. I fell down and lost one of my skis and then slid probably 15 or 20 feet from where my lost ski had landed. But my friend went tumbling down the hill like a rag doll fired from a potato cannon. He had to dig his heel into the snow as hard as he could before he could finally stop, a fair amount further down the hill and both of his skis and poles where up above me. We both asked the other if we were alright and both of us were and then started the walk back up the hill to reclaim our equipment, where I found that one of my poles, I'm not sure exactly how, was severly bent. It literally looked like a large letter "J", which is not a desirable shape for a ski pole.
After getting our skis back on, we went on down the hill and back to the lift for another run, where I discoved that although skiing with a bent pole isn't a big deal, trying to propel yourself on level ground using one is quite tricky.
But, all is well that ends well. After one more run we managed to bend my pole back into a relatively straight shape (it's at least usable again) and were able to enjoy the rest of the evening without any more collisions.
It was funny more than anything else, neither of us had ever done anything like that before and neither of us really got hurt.
Although, I sent email to him this morning asking how he was feeling and he hasn't responded yet...

Good times.

Twisted, sick and wrong

2008-02-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, there's a game out there called "Would you rather" and there's a version of that game that is called "Twisted, sick and wrong". We had some friends over last night and we played that game. It was interesting. One of the sample questions on the box asks:
Would you rather swallow a bottlecap - or - eat a spider the size of a bottle cap.

Now, I might rather swallow a bottlecap than eat a large spiders, but there's just no way that I would rather pass a bottlecap than a spider.

Yes, I know, that's just twisted, sick and wrong, but I think that's the point. I haven't played the original game, but for those less adventerous it might be a better choice. I must say though, it did get some interesting discussions going.

Here's one to get you thinking:
As a railroad engineer driving a packed commuter train, would you rather run over a man trapped on the tracks - or - risk the 25% change of derailing that train by attempting to stop and avoid hitting him?

Good thing I'm not a gambler

2008-02-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well, if I had put any money on that Av's game I was watching I would have lost that too. They lost in overtime, but the frustrating part was the goal they let Radim Vrbata get to send it to overtime. I'll give props where props are due, it was a good play and executely perfectly (Vrbata used to be an Av player you know), but the Av's just let it happen. Nobody picked him up and they ended up losing. Hopefully they'll learn from that and keep fighting until the season ends.

Okay, so enough about hockey for now. We got a little snow today, not nearly as much as we've seen with some previous storms, but enough to cause some problems on the road. I drove my Mustang into the office this morning and saw an SUV that had tipped onto its side. Not sure what they were doing, but some people just don't seem to respect slick road conditions. I mean, if I can get my Mustang to work safely, surely others should be able to arrive safely in their SUVs.

I just got new business cards for my company yesterday, they look pretty good. Should be fun handing those out rather than the plain ones I had before.

Good thing I didn't have any money on the game

2008-02-04T19:29:00.001-07:00

Well, it's a good thing that I didn't have any money on the big game. The Giants looked like a lot better team than they did against the Packers (at least to me).
My wife picked it though. She said that the Giants would win by 3 so man, did she nail that one.

That virus that I had I'm hoping is gone, but my cough still lingers and I've discovered that when you cough a lot, particularly deep, hacking coughs, you tend to get head aches. I normally don't get head aches very often, so it's been a different experience for me. I'm WAY better than I was a week ago at this time though, that's for sure.

Today was my boy's birthday and my wife got him a cake from a local bakery, which made me think of the cake that she got for me at that same bakery. A few years ago, I turned 30 and my wife wanted to get me a cake and take it to my parent's place for a family get together. But, she let my daughter pick the cake. So, there I was, at my parent's place with most of my brothers and sisters, celebrating by 3-decade birthday with a My Little Pony birthday cake. As you can probably imagine, I got a bunch of crap from my brothers and sisters, but I sure won't ever forget it.

The Colorado Avalanche are playing tonight, leading 1-0 against the Coyotes at the moment. We'll see if they can hang on for the win. Okay, check that, Coyotes just scored on the powerplay (5 on 3) so the game is now tied and they still have a power play. I'll sign off before another goal gets scored.

Update on health and a quick explanation of my nickname

2008-02-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, so my fever is gone now and my aches are pretty much gone as well. However, I'm still congested (sinuses and chest) and coughing like a 30 year smoker. I do seem to be on the mend though, so I'm just trying to not overdue it. Hopefully I can get this completely out of my system in the next couple of days. It has not been pleasant, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel and I'm pretty sure it isn't an oncoming train.

As for my nickname, it's a pretty short story really. My sister and I used to have an apartment together when we first moved out of our parents house after high school. She was the "Twisted Sister" and I was the "Doobie Brother". The name "Doobie" just stuck and many people still call me by that to this day.

Well, we have been getting a lot of snow and it is still snowing now, who knows how much we'll end up with when this storm is done. Today would be church day, but I think it best that I not attend today. The last thing I want to do is pass this along to someone else or get a relapse of it myself. (For the record, I couldn't care less who wins the Super Bowl, but I think that the Pat's will take it. I saw the Giants beat the Packers and I must say, I didn't find the win very convincing. Looked to me like that game could have just as easily gone the other way)

Okay, so it wasn't just a fever

2008-02-01T09:03:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm still under the weather. Yesterday I was much worse than Wednesday, so I went to the doctor. They tested me for influenza A and B, both came back negative, but I think what I have is viral. If I'm not feeling quite a bit better tomorrow, I'm supposed to get some antibiotics and then if I'm still not doing better a few days after that, I go back in for more tests.
At this point, I'm just really hoping nobody else in my family gets this as it has been extremely unpleasant.

Shifting gears, I have recently started exchanging information regarding religions with a good friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country. We have found that we have many things in common, even though there are things that are peculiar to our specific faiths. I think it is great that we can have such an open exchange of beliefs and mutual respect. Religion is no reason to go to war.

Fevers are no fun

2008-01-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

I'm getting over a fever at the moment, it's kept me down the last couple of days and I'm still recovering today, although at least I was able to be a little productive. My temperature was at 104 last night, not sure I've ever had a temperature that high before. My sister-in-law who is a veterinarian said that a fever of 105 can burn up your brain, so I'm hoping I still have a little left with which to work tomorrow.

The achy body is the part that sucks the most, makes it hard to get comfortable. But I'm also one of those people who has a hard time gaining weight. I try to, but it usually takes a couple of weeks for me to put on just a couple of pounds. However, when I get sick like this and can't eat much, I can lose 5 pounts in two days. Very disheartening.

I'm not bragging about that; Some people have told me that they wished they had my problem, but that's only because they don't. I'm not saying I wish I had the opposite problem, where it takes weeks to lose a couple of pounds and then one small relapse can gain them back again, but trying to get to or maintain your ideal weight can be frustrating no matter which way you're headed.

There is an upside though, I've watched (or at least listened to) many episodes of the King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond, Sienfeld, the Simpons and Home Improvement. All great shows in their own way. I don't like feely unproductive though, that's something that should be reserved for vacation time only (if even then).

Anyway, hopefully one more good night of rest and I'll be much better and able to get back to my regular routine.

First, some basics

2008-01-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

To get things kicked off, I'm in my prime (at least I hope so) and I'm married with two kids, a girl and a boy. At first glance I may sound like Al Bundy, but I don't have a dog and I don't sell women's shoes for a living.
Instead, I write software for a living. I worked in the field for over ten years and then decided that it was time to form my own company. The name of my company is Natural Selection LLC and the URL for the site is www.nslimited.com
More on that to come later, but now on to other information.

I'm not much of a sports fan, but I do enjoy hockey and follow those standings and watch games from time to time.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (www.lds.org), but contrary to what some people seem to believe, I only have one wife, I do not have horns and I am a Christian. Yes, I live in Utah, but no, I do not know any of the Osmonds.

I enjoy video games and computer games, but don't play that much of either lately. I enjoy playing Lego StarWars with my son, tennis (on the Wii) with my daughter and anything else that seems to be fun when I get a couple of hours to kill.

The thing about being self employed is you can pretty much take time off whenever you'd like, but there is no such thing as paid time off. I work or I don't invoice.

My preference in music is pretty much anything, other than country or rap. I'm sure some of it is fine, but I'm not a fan of twang or whatever it is you call the rhythmic poetry reading that seems to make up most rap. I enjoy classical, some opera, heavy metal, hard rock, pop rock, classic rock, Christian contemporary and most everything else. Okay, I'm not a fan of Asian music. The octave structure is just strange to me. Most notably, I enjoy the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Anyone who has not heard their music is missing out.

This is probably good enough for a first post, I'll try to post again at least once before I die and if all goes well, no less than once per month and maybe as often as a couple of times a week.

If I haven't bored you to much, come back later. I'll discuss movies, books, games and what it's like being a self-employed husband and father of two trying to mark his mark on the world.